Saturday, August 25, 2012

Holding my scale hostage under the bathroom sink

I think I speak for most people who have struggled with weight when I say that the scale can be your best friend and your worst enemy. It is the epitome of the word "frenemy." I'm going to be honest about the fact that I let the scale influence how I feel way too much. Hey, I'm still a work in progress. For example, I can be feeling great about my work-out and my eating one day, but if I hop on the scale and don't see a loss, I feel disproportionately disappointed. And vice-versa. If I see a great number, it affects my mood positively all day. I know in my mind that some of the thoughts I have regarding the scale and my weight on it are stupid and not mentally healthy. I also know that weight isn't everything. It only measures one aspect of my lifestyle change. Yes, I know all those things in my mind, yet I still have these crazy thoughts. Hey, at least I recognize it! So, for your entertainment, I would like to share a week's worth of crazy scale thoughts.

Wednesday (weigh-in day): Okay, I've got to make sure I'm ready. Went to the bathrooom? Check. Clothes off? Check. Shoes off? Hahaha, please. Like I'm that much of an amateur that I wear shoes to weigh! Shoes weigh at least 20 lbs! No food or drink yet? Check. Hmmmm...I still have my Bodybugg and earrings on. Better take those off. They could weigh like 5 lbs!

Step on the scale. Look straight ahead. Do not look down until the weight registers...I said do not look down! (Weight pops up) Okay, good job! Wait, better weigh again just to be sure. And a third time to be extra, you are not an obsessive freak! Go ahead and leave the scale out on the floor. Obviously you have enough self control to not weigh until next Wednesday. Obviously!

Thursday: I swear that scale is staring at me, pleading with its little imaginary puppy eyes for me to get on it. No! Have some self-control!

Friday: Wonder how I'm doing? I had my high calorie day yesterday...OMG what if I gained from that? But wait, I worked out extra hard. Well, I think I need to weigh just to see where I stand. I mean, I need to see if I should make adjustments. But I had a huge glass of water this morning. That might make me gain at least 2 lbs. No Kristen, that's just the crazy talking. Okay, I'm going to weigh. (Weight pops up) What?!? I only lost 0.4 lbs so far. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. Well, guess who's getting an extra work-out today?

Saturday: I really want to weigh again. I have to make sure I've turned things around. No Kristen, you said you would only weigh once a week. The scale must go hide under the sink so it doesn't stare at me every time I'm in the bathroom.

Sunday: I hear the scale calling my name from its place of exile under my sink! No, I will not give in to scale temptation! I do not have a scale addiction. I can stop weighing anytime I want. Yeah, right...

Monday: I have to know! It's my last chance to see if I am getting it right before Wednesday. (Weight pops up) Yay! Right on track. But now I've ruined the suspense for Wednesday. Who cares? My need to know is greater than my need for suspense.

Tuesday: Duh, you can't weigh today. It would be psycho to weigh today when you weigh tomorrow. And you know you have a nice, healthy, non-psyho relationship with the scale.

Tuesday night: (Speaking to the scale through the cabinet door under the sink) "You better be nice to me tomorrow. There are much worse places I could hide you than under the sink."

Wednesday again: (Does crazy weigh-in ritual) CELEBRATION! See, I lost my weight. No reason to act all crazy over the scale. Just put away the scale until next week...

Okay, so obviously some of that was an exaggeration. Hopefully, you were aware I'm not that crazy!  But I do think it is very easy to let the scale be the only thing to dictate how you measure your success. Like I said before, in my mind I know that there are many things just as important that are not measured by any scale. Now I just need to work on convincing my heart of that fact. I hope one day I can look at the scale and see it as just a number, not a reflection of who I am as a person or how hard I have worked to turn my life around.

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