Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Blame it on the squash

So I had some random, sappy thoughts today while slicing my squash. And no, that is not a dirty euphemism (although, if it was, I'm not entirely sure what it would mean. Ideas, anyone?). Most of my thoughts stemmed from the simple fact that a few months ago squash and I would not have been seen anywhere near each other. However, french fries and I enjoyed a deep relationship that has now been brutally severed. Anyway, while I was getting my squash ready for baking, I was just kind of overcome with how happy I am to have made these changes in my life. I put it off for so long, partly because of bad memories of my deprivation diets of the past, partly because I am the Queen Procrastinator of the World, partly because of laziness, and if I am honest with myself, partly because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid to really commit to losing weight, because what if it didn't work? Well, obviously nothing was going to work if I stayed parked on my couch eating my previously mentioned friend the french fries and other various "friends." I've spent too much of my life not doing things because of all the "what ifs." I've decided to be done with that.

I am so happy now to be eating foods that not only are helping me lose weight, but are also actually doing great things for my body. I'm happy to be working out (most of the time) and getting more and more endurance. I'm happy that I felt my bicep the other day. An actual muscle and not just arm flab! I'm happy to be losing so much weight that my pants sag on me three weeks after I buy them (well, my wallet is not so happy about that one). I'm happy to finally start to see a person that I recognize in the mirror.

One of the things I am most happy about though is the decision I made to share my journey with others. At first, I was scared. It takes courage to put yourself out there, courage I wasn't sure I had. I wanted to be honest about my journey, but as I have mentioned before, I am a perfectionist. It terrified me to think of others knowing about my setbacks and failures. But you know what? I think sharing my small failures and setbacks has been the most freeing part of all this. Now it's kind of like, "Here's what I did. It's over, and I've moved on. I learned from it and I hope maybe you can too. Please also enjoy a funny story about it!" It made me realize that people are not going to write me off because I made a mistake. In fact, I think many times people may relate more because they have made the same mistake! So I want to thank all of you who have taken the time to support me on this adventure, whether it was liking my Facebook status about my weekly weigh-in, trying some new recipe with me, being my cheerleader when I do have setbacks, or reading this blog. It has really touched me to know how many people are there for me, and knowing how many people think my words are worth taking the time to read. So here's a big thank you to all of you!

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