I am really proud of myself for losing 50 pounds. But I think what I am proudest of is the fact that I have done this the right way. It's really the first time I have ever lost weight in a healthy way. In high school, I would go on "diets" (I use that word loosely here) where I would basically deprive myself of anything I liked. Also, for some reason, I ate a lot of jello then (sugar city!). Of course, diets like that don't work long. My last year of college, I started out exercising the right way, but then got too obsessed with it and eventually burned out. I was also too focused on eating processed diet foods when I should have been eating fruits, veggies, and lean meats.
So even more than that number on the scale, I am proud of finally getting the hang of moderation. Do I work my butt off at the gym? Yes, I do because it is important for me to push myself. You don't lose 5 pounds a week by being slack and lazy. However, working hard is different from being crazy obsessive like I was in college. When I missed gym workouts last week when visiting my grandmother in the hospital, I didn't freak out. When I saw I had only lost 0.4 lbs while I was away, I was a little upset but mainly just focused on working out hard the rest of the week. And I am not aiming for a crazy daily calorie burn like in college either. I aim to hit my goal of 3700 calories burned a day, which will let me meet my 5 pound a week goal. If I get a little more than that, great. If I get a little less, I just know I have to get in more activity in the next day. If I burn 5500 calories like I did yesterday through a combination of working out, muscling tennis balls onto the legs of chairs (no, not a new weird hobby. I'm helping my mom get her classroom ready), and running around manically at work, well that just means that my muscles are sore and I am hobbling around like I am 80.
I think the change that has made the biggest difference is my eating habits. Like I've said before, I've always been an all or nothing girl. I either deprived myself and tried to eat 600 calories a day, or I ate anything and everything I could. This time, I eat foods I like. I get excited over new recipes that turn out well. I found a low cal cake that I seriously want to eat for my birthday because it honestly tastes better than a regular cake. I try not to eat as much processed food, but I don't get upset if I do eat something processed once in a while. I don't judge myself for my reduced sugar fudgecicle habit (they are so good and only 80 calories for 2!) I have come to the point where I am honestly more upset if I go below my daily calorie goal than if I go slightly above it. That took a while, but it is true that you don't lose as much weight if you don't eat enough calories. Once a week, I let myself eat what I want if I am craving something, without feeling guilty. If I'm not craving anything, I don't just eat more calories because I am supposed to during my high calorie day.
Of course, I'm not perfect. I have days where my old thinking habits creep in again. I have days where I really don't want to go to the gym. I have days where I wish I could be naturally thin and eat cheeseburgers every day (well, maybe not EVERY day) and never exercise. I have weeks where I weigh in more than I am supposed to (like this week lol) The important thing is that those days are the exception, not the rule. I move on when I make a mistake. Being perfect used to be so important to me. But in all areas of my life now, not just weight loss, I am learning that it is okay to make mistakes as long as you don't let them keep you down. This means that I may have found...THE SPACE IN BETWEEN ALL OR NOTHING. Sorry, had to insert my blog title in the corniest way possible. It kind of reminds me of how soap opera introductions are, how they always have to work in the title of the show. Not that I have ever watched soap operas....ummm well just One Life To Live.
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