You say poTAYto, I say meet my mortal enemy poTAHto

It's been a rough week, actually really just kind of a rough month period. While I am still proud of myself overall for losing weight during such a difficult period, I cannot ignore the fact that my weight loss has not been where I want it to be the past couple of weeks. This past week I mainly attribute that to not working out when I was out of town for my grandmother's funeral and an increased amount of, for lack of a better word, snacking. By snacking, I don't mean healthy snacks. That kind of snacking is fine. I mean, the grazing type of snacking where you take a bite of this and a bite of that, and don't think you need to include those little bites in your food journal. Well, as much as I wish those little bites had no calories, the cold hard truth is that they do have calories, and those calories can add up quickly. Anyway, I'm back home now, and I fully plan on killing it on the scale this week. Also, since I could use a laugh right about now, I will now rehash me cooking and eating Thanksgiving dinner while trying desperately to strike a balance between not shoveling crazy amounts of food in my mouth and not letting myself eat anything yummy and high-calorie food at all. Just FYI, my Thanksgiving plan was to eat what I wanted for that one meal, and then not have any leftovers (besides white meat turkey) and get right back on track.

0700: Alarm goes off, signifying optimistic resolution from the night prior to run outside since the gym is closed. Snuggle deeper in nice, warm bed. Chastise self for being lazy. Finally get up.

0715: Ssoooooooo cold. Missing climate controlled gym and elliptical. Treadmill, not so much. Keep trucking along. Add a few crazy dance moves in time to music to keep things interesting. Glance furtively around to see if anyone saw.

0900: Arrive at parents' house to begin my first year of being in charge of dinner since my mom is out of commission due to hand surgery the day before. Try to ignore the fact that I am freakishly tired due to severe sleep deprivation the past few days. Also try to ignore the fact that I have to go into work for 8 hrs at midnight. Briefly wish that I could even tolerate the taste of coffee, since caffeine is sorely needed at this time.

0915: Being slightly OCD, formulate exact plan of attack towards dinner with order of dishes being prepared and time put in oven. Put my sous chef (aka my sister) to work chopping various things. Recruit my dad to deal with turkey, since that whole thing perplexes me somewhat. Also, I'm not into reaching up a turkey's butt to get the giblets out. As happens every year, question what giblets are actually intended to be used for.

1130: Have my sister cook sausage since I know I would be sorely tempted to sample a few bites.

1145: Briefly scold myself for not taking my dad up on his offer to just buy a prepared Thanksgiving dinner this year, as I am beginning to wonder if the prep work and insane of amount of chopping will ever end. Remind myself that family traditions are very important to me, and I may actually be grateful for the experience later.

1158: Go see Santa on TV for the Macy's parade! Sadly, the only part of the parade I get to watch this year.

1245: Am absurdly grateful to my mom for having a plethora of both mixing bowls and casserole dishes, since they are all needed on this day.

1300: Get immense amount of satisfaction in my time-management-loving heart from seeing finished dishes all ready to go into the oven exactly on time, as specified in OCD list from this morning.

1305: Get down to business with the deviled eggs. Take 1 bite to make sure ingredients are in proper proportions. Pop whole hard-boiled egg in my mouth partially because I am really hungry and partially to block my mouth from inhaling anymore mayonnaise-laden deviled egg mixture. Scold myself for not eating breakfast like an idiot.

1315: Pop deviled eggs in fridge and away from my line of vision.

1320: Prepare to attack my enemy, the mashed potatoes. Realize that I have very little self-control when it comes to our family recipe for mashed potatoes, which involves a large amount of Duke's mayonnaise (sounds disgusting, but is completely delicious). Take one bite to see if ingredients are in the right proportions. Decide more mayonnaise is needed. In an attempt to regain control over this situation, recruit both dad and sister to taste potatoes as more ingredients are added. Successfully refrain from taking any more bites myself.

1330: Eye mashed potatoes with both longing and hatred. We now have a love-hate relationship.

1400: Get everything out of the oven and breathe sigh of relief that it all at least looks like what my mom usually makes. Get it on the table ASAP, so it will all still be hot, and so my routine-loving stomach that is used to both eating at noon and eating breakfast will finally be satiated.

1415: Take pics of my beautiful table. Duh, for posterity.

1420: Say what we're thankful for, then FOOD TIME!

1425: Get some turkey first. Opt for white meat, even though I really want dark. I mean, I'm not even that into turkey, so I have to save my calories for the stuff I really like. Spoon appropriate amounts of sweet potatoes, squash casserole, and stuffing on my plate.

1430: Square off against my foes: rolls, deviled eggs, and mashed potatoes. Take 1 roll and 2 deviled eggs like the disciplined person I am. Painstakingly spoon a somewhat smaller portion of mashed potatoes than I have taken in previous years onto my plate.

1445: Realize that while my body may still like the taste of all this rich food, after months of healthy food, it physically rejects rich food somewhat. Feel kind of like crap, even though I didn't actually eat all that much. Don't eat seconds, both because that was part of the plan and because my stomach cannot deal with anymore. Decide to eat dessert later.

1530: Try to take nap, hoping nausea will go away.

1615:  Give up on nap, but nausea has lessened somewhat. Realize that it will be a lllooooonnnng night at work.

1800: Freak out on my dad for buying iced sugar cookies that I used to love. Feel a bit guilty for pressuring him to eat them as fast as possible so that I can't. 

2000: Realize I need to eat something before work. Resolve to stick with my plan, and make white meat turkey sandwich on my normal double-fiber wheat bread, eschewing my normal turkey on leftover rolls tradition. Pass on calorie-laden casseroles. Decide I can have 2 deviled eggs. See mashed potatoes in fridge. Since my intention in this blog is to be totally honest, I will now confess that I succumbed to the allure of the mashed potatoes despite my previous no leftovers rule, although again I kept myself in check with the portion. The bitter taste of shame mixed with deliciousness in my mouth (haha, just kidding. They were just plain delicious, although I was a bit ashamed).

0000: Arrive at work to see that managers, no doubt attempting to be kind, have left chips, pastries, and candy galore for us to eat. I actually added decadent chocolate cupcakes to the mix as well. Resolve that I will not eat anything.

0300: Breaktime. So tired that my eyelids are burning, but even in foggy sleep-deprived state, recognize that I need to stick to my plan for my own self-respect. Also realize that I'm not even hungry, because duh, it's not like I normally eat at 3:00 in the morning. Have some water and rest head on table.

0600: Have co-worker tell me that my cupcakes are delicious. Resist eating one, equal parts because I want to stick with my plan and because I am so tired that I don't think I could lift one to my mouth.

0745: Drive home in sleepy haze. Consider sleeping in clothes. Put in on pajamas but leave contacts in because I don't even remember to take them out.

1230: Wake from coma-like sleep. Am somewhat confused about what day it is. Observe my cats giving me confused stares about why we are sleeping in the middle of the day. Fervently wish to go back to sleep, but get out of bed so I won't be unable to sleep that night and also to visit with my brother.

1245:  Don't really know what meal to eat. Decide night shift is definitely not for me. Eat some oatmeal.

Friday-present day: Succeed in resolution to not eat anymore leftovers!

So did I do exactly what I set out to do food-wise on Thanksgiving? No, I didn't, but I would say I followed the plan for the most part except for a few minor lapses, as outlined above. Best of all, I managed to lose weight in a week where the majority of Americans probably gain a pound or two. And I am happy to say that I think I have a pretty healthy attitude about holiday food now. It's important for me to keep in control with my eating, but it is equally important that I not feel deprived on these special days. Another win for moderation.

Some days you're the dog and other days you're the fire hydrant

My friends, it has been a while! Not by my choice though. Life tends to throw out curveballs now and then, and this time life was kind of a jerk and decided that what I really needed was a kidney infection and stone the day before I was set to hit my 100 lb milestone. One minute I was fine, and the next I was burning up and rocking back and forth in agony. Also, when trying to go to the doctor, I not only discover a flat tire, but my car battery died as well. Fun times! So sadly, on my weigh-in day, I kind of glanced down at the scale, saw that I had hit my goal, and promptly celebrated by dragging myself back to bed. Not exactly the kind of celebration I had in mind.

Being off my routine put me in a funk all week. Plus, to be honest, I was just really pissed at the unfairness of me getting sick during such an important week. I mean, I had been anticipating this milestone for 20 weeks, and then I couldn't even really enjoy it. But if I know nothing else about myself, it is that I am freakishly resilient and also usually manage to find some nugget of good in a bad situation, or at least a funny story. Case in point: As I sat stranded in my car, crying and sick, after the flat tire AND dead battery, I couldn't help but think that I would laugh later on about the sheer improbability of that situation. Because seriously, what are the odds of having both those things happen on the exact same day?

Anyway, like I said, I just felt off all week. I couldn't go to the gym. I couldn't eat much at all, and what I could actually manage to keep down wasn't the healthiest. I didn't feel like writing in my blog. Over the course of the last 20 weeks, I have formed all these healthy habits and when they were suddenly taken away, I was surprised at just how deeply it affected me emotionally. I have written before about my continuous great mood since I started this journey, but I didn't realize just how intrinsically that mood and my healthy habits were connected. Last week also taught me just how easily habits can be broken. After days of barely eating anything at all, eating some pizza didn't seem like such a big deal. I didn't think I really needed to include little things like mini Crunch bars in my food log. What was one more day of not going to the gym? Finally, I took a step back and thought, "Who is this girl and why the hell is she acting like a delusional idiot?" Stupid excuses like those are what got me to 328 lbs and miserable before. I simply refused to go there again. So I gave myself a firm talking-to and shook myself out of my funk enough to start eating my normal food again and get to the gym. And you know what? After a couple days of my normal routine, my funk is gone. I'm back to normal and super excited about my life.

While I won't say I'm exactly glad I had a little hiccup in my journey, I am grateful for the lesson I learned. Being so happy now, it's easy to forget just how miserable I was before. So I'm grateful for the reminder of where I never want to be again. After all, the saying "Those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it" is not just a quote that history teachers use in order to get kids to learn about a bunch of wars. I'm not a fan of dwelling on the past, but I think a little reminder every now and then does a lot of good.

I thought that my blog entry this week would be about reaching my 100 pound milestone and how I celebrated it. But as last week taught me, sometimes things don't go as planned. That 100 pound blog entry is without a doubt important, and one that will probably be written next. I had to write what I was feeling right now. Right now my feelings are all about falling down, getting back up, and the importance of remembering where I have been in order to better appreciate where I am now and where I am going. Wow, that last sentence sounded all introspective...kudos to me! Please feel free to insert corny life lesson music here.