Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Winner, winner, chicken dinner (grilled of course)

Last week, I entered a contest that asked people to share their weight loss success story. The best stories were nominated by a panel of judges, and then the final winner chosen by Biggest Loser season 11 Courtney Crozier. The prize was being interviewed by Courtney for her blog, and also some Biggest Loser merchandise. I didn't tell anyone but a couple of people because I didn't want to jinx myself. I went into it differently than I have contests or other things I have attempted in the past though. I used to usually think to myself that I would probably wouldn't win what I set out to win. I think this is because deep inside I felt like I didn't deserve it, that I wasn't good enough. But this time, I thought to myself that I was going to win this. Obviously, I didn't shout this from the rooftops, because that would be cocky, and because it's kind of hard to get on a rooftop. It was just something I knew could happen. It's not because I thought other people didn't have inspiring stories, or that I thought I was better than them. It was just that I believe so strongly in myself and in my story now.

The winner was chosen yesterday, and I was constantly checking the website on my phone to see if I had won. It got to be around 10 at night, and I figured I hadn't won because I had not been notified of anything. But I checked one more time, and there was my face staring back at me on the page! The heading said, "Get inspired by this story." It still blows my mind to think that people would be inspired by me. I'm not ashamed to admit that I keep going back to look at the page because it's just so freaking cool. I am so excited!

Anyway, the story they showed is not the complete essay I wrote for them because I think they just wanted a little summary. I guess they want the more detailed stuff in my interview with Courtney. But I thought I would share my closing paragraph because I think it says a lot about how much I have grown.

As I get closer and closer to my goal weight, I find myself focusing less and less on the scale. And I think that is a healthy thing because when I finally get to that goal weight, I will not have weight loss to motivate me anymore. I have to find other things. I find something new every day to enjoy as a result of my weight loss. Now I focus on my new personal bests in my workouts. I focus on being able to go in any store and pick anything I want off the rack. I focus on helping the people who come to me for advice. I focus on the fact that I can look in the mirror now and not be disgusted by the person I see there.  And I focus on the fact that I honestly believe I can do anything I set my mind to now. Other people see the changes in my body, but I see the changes in my mind. I see myself as a strong, determined, and beautiful woman now, and that is worth more than any number on the scale. 

The truth is that I used to be obsessed with the scale. For evidence of that, you can refer back to an early entry of mine called Holding my scale hostage under the bathroom sink. While entertaining, it is also kind of disturbing. And I won't lie and say that number doesn't matter to me anymore. It does.  But I don't live and die by that number anymore. My worthiness does not hinge on one single number anymore. I am a lot more than that number, and I have faith that as long as I keep on doing what I need to do, the pounds will eventually all fall off. 

I'll let you know when my interview with Courtney is published! It will probably be in a couple of weeks.

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