Wednesday, May 7, 2014

The centennial post: a pretentious way to say dis blog done got 100 posts!

100 posts later and what do I have to show for it? 163 pounds less junk in the trunk, some loose skin, a whole lot of new friends, a different way of looking at food, way more endurance, and I believe a much healthier way of looking at weight loss (and actually if I want to get all philosophical, life in general). When I first started this blog, I worried that I would not have enough to write about. I figured there was only so much you could write about this topic. Luckily, this hasn't appeared to be a problem because new issues just keep popping up. It has truly been a crazy and wonderful ride.

When I wrote my first post, I didn't think I had 100 posts in me. I didn't even know if I had the strength to lose weight period. I mean, I didn't even take an official before picture! That's how little faith I had in myself. But what I had in spades was desperation. I was desperate to stop living the way I was. I think people believe that being desperate is always a bad thing, but I think sometimes it can be a catalyst for change. Sometimes you have to sink to the bottom to be able to start climbing to the top. Yes, I realize that I sound like I am quoting a corny motivation poster or something (probably with a picture of a person climbing a mountain on it), but it is true. Ironically enough, I had to take it on faith that I would eventually start to have a little faith in myself.

If this were a fairy tale, I could say that after losing the weight I have morphed into a tight and toned supermodel, have the self-confidence of 100 women, and now live the perfect healthy lifestyle existence with no slip-ups. But as they say, life is not a fairy tale.When I look in the mirror, there are some days when I am proud. But there are many others when I see the ravages losing so much weight has wrought on my body, and I feel nothing but shame and disgust. As far as self-confidence goes, I am working on it, but I realize that I am often my own harshest critic. And the perfect healthy lifestyle? Oh yes, I would say 80-90% of the time I do a pretty good job (though not perfect), but there are days when I can wolf down a cheeseburger with the best of them. So many people believe that simply losing the weight will solve all their issues and problems, but as much as I would like that to be true, it just isn't. Does it solve some problems? Of course it does. But it's no magic cure, and you have to tackle those problems the same way you tackle losing weight. One day at a time of hard work and faith that eventually you will succeed.

This blog has not been the story of someone who lost weight and now has everything all figured out. It has been the story of someone who has lost weight and is still figuring things out every single day. It has been the story of someone who even though she still struggles with self-doubt, genuinely recognizes that she is worth fighting for. It's also apparently the story of someone who enjoys speaking about herself in the third person. But seriously, I'm proud that my blog has represented not just my weight loss journey, but my journey towards the realization that progress, not perfection, is the way to go. I hope you all have enjoyed reading my blog, and I hope you'll stay with me during the next 100 posts and beyond!