Half the body, twice the woman!

For some reason, this title made me think of Superman: "Faster than a speeding bullet, leaps tall buildings with a single bound." I'm not Superman though, mainly because I really don't think I could pull off all the spandex in that particular outfit. Anyway, I made up this little catch-phrase last Tuesday night before my weigh-in (yes, I'm a bit late writing this post...been busy!). I was kind of  afraid I would jinx myself, but for some reason I was absolutely sure I hit my goal of losing half my body weight. Those who have read my blog before know that this is never the case for me. I'm usually sure I gained weight. But this time, I just knew I had done it. So yes, I devoted 10 minutes to thinking up a clever (haha) catchphrase even before I weighed in. At first, I thought about going with the People magazine favorite "Half my size!" or maybe "Half the woman I used to be!" But I thought it was important to recognize that while my body may physically be half the size it used to be, I felt like it was equally as important to recognize that I have grown emotionally in ways I am not even fully aware of yet. In many ways that journey has been even more difficult for me than losing weight. Emotional baggage is much harder to shed than physical pounds. Hence, "twice the woman!"

When I stepped on the scale last Wednesday, my heart was about to beat out of my chest. To see that number, to see that scale read 163.6 when it once read 328, it's something I will never get tired of seeing. I just kept thinking, "I did this." It is immensely satisfying to know that I accomplished something like this all due to my own blood, sweat, and tears. I know, I know, it's about so much more than a number on the scale. But sometimes, it does get to be about that number.

Me being me and obsessed with pictures, of course I had to have a picture to commemorate this day. For some reason, I kind of wanted to raise my arms in a victory salute or something but I felt like I needed a trophy (and maybe the Rocky soundtrack?). Sadly, they do not make a trophy for losing half your body weight, so I figured I could raise the scale in a victory salute.

Yes, I am that corny. I wanted to take a picture with my equally corny sign outside, but the wind wouldn't cooperate. But then I figured it was actually more fitting anyway to take the picture in front of the door where I take all my monthly progress pictures. So here's a side by side comparison of when I started and now.

Pretty cool! And yes, I do realize it also looks like I shrunk vertically (something I can't afford being only 5'1"), but I'm not really that gifted with photo editing so I couldn't get it to do what I wanted (apparently screaming "Do what I say, you devil machine!" at the computer has very little effect).

So it's crazy to think about, but this latest milestone puts me quite close to my ultimate weight loss goal. Like only 23 lbs away. You may have noticed (well, probably not) that I changed my weight loss goal tracker at the top of the page. I had originally made my goal weight 128 lbs, which would put me at exactly 200 lbs lost. I mean, who doesn't like a nice round number like 200? The BMI scale says that I would still be considered overweight until I weighed 132 lbs. So originally, that was why I said 128 lbs (you know, around 132 but a bit lower to make it an even 200 lbs lost). But now I have had multiple people confirm (my doctor, a trainer, and a nutritionist) confirm that 128 lbs is too low for me. They have all said that around 140-145 lbs is an ideal number for me. I have always believed that I had a lot of muscle, but I was afraid to increase my goal weight due to that because I know a lot of people falsely justify weighing more due to all their "muscle." But I figure with 3 professionals all telling me that I do have a lot of muscle and all agreeing on what my goal weight should be, I'm making the right decision increasing my goal weight to around 140 lbs. Also, according to body fat percentage (which I believe is a better measurement that BMI) I am already within a normal range right now, so 23 lbs from now, I'll be great. I know there are some people who will think 140 lbs sounds like a lot for someone who is barely 5 feet tall. I would say I used to agree with them. The BMI scale said my optimal weight would be 105 lbs. And really, society in general would say that 105 is an optimal weight for me. I thought I needed to weigh that. But I know my body now. I'm not going to try to weigh some arbitrary number, be it 105 or 128, just because some someone I don't even know says I should. I would be sick if I weighed 105 lbs. I am going to end up weighing what it is healthy for me. Something I can maintain without killing myself at the gym and without subsisting on carrot sticks. Maybe that number will be 140. Maybe it will be 145. I don't know. We'll just have to see. But what's important is that I've decided that weighing what is healthy for me is much more important than losing exactly 200 lbs or trying to live up to what society or the BMI scale says I should weigh.