I worried about what people would think of what I look like now. What if they didn't think I looked different now? I have actually voiced these concerns to my family and was told that I was being ridiculous and I sounded like I was fishing for compliments. But the truth is that I was not fishing for compliments, and on a rational level I realize that it is ridiculous to have lost 135 lbs and think that I don't look drastically different. What can I say? Sometimes I still look in the mirror and see a 328 lb girl staring back at me. Sometimes I still feel like I take up a 328 lb amount of space in this world, which is evident every time I am surprised to have extra room in a booth or movie theater seat. It's evident when I try on clothes and get stuff 3 sizes too big to try on.
I will forever regret not taking a before picture because it bothers the OCD side of my personality every time I think of it. But I think that is what kind of makes the weight loss venture different from my others. Every other time, I have taken a before picture. I also made lots of graphs and nutrition plans and exercise plans and every other kind of plan in the universe. That was part of the problem. I tried to change everything all at once, and it was too much. This time, I kind of creeped into things. I changed a little at a time, until now, 7 months later, all those little changes have added up to a huge lifestyle (and physical) change.
So anyway, I rooted through my old pictures until I found one that I believe is around 10 lbs less than my heaviest weight. Please note the pillow on my lap, a token effort to hide some of my bulk. As many overweight people know, you always try to have something, be it person or pillow, in front of your body.
Then, here is my first official monthly progress pic, taken 6 weeks into my journey when I had lost around 40 lbs. I do enjoy the mug shot feel of it.
I'm working on not being disgusted by these pics, because after all they are still me, but it is hard at times. Yesterday I asked my mom to take my monthly pics like normal, but I wanted to look a little nicer. She was so sweet and turned it into a little makeover by doing my hair and makeup. I'm a pretty minimal makeup girl usually, and I think a lot of that was due to the fact that it kind of felt like, "What's the point?" before. I mean, no amount of makeup was going to make a guy ignore the fact that I was 328 lbs. Anyway, the makeover was pretty fun! So without further ado...my 30 week pictures from yesterday!
I look at these pictures, and I can honestly say that I think I look pretty good right now. Of course, I still see flaws and areas that could be better, but what I focus on is the fact that I can actually stand to look at these pictures and not be ashamed. I'm working on giving myself credit for what I have done and where I am at right now. No more waiting until I am good enough. I don't have to wait until my final goal until I am proud of myself. I should be proud right now for what I have done. 135 lbs is a massive amount of weight to lose, and to have done it in 7 months without being crazy; I think that is pretty special. Hope you enjoyed seeing the pics...let me know what you think!