Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Haters gonna hate

 Full disclosure...I don't actually think I have any haters (that I know of anyway). I just really like saying, "Haters gonna hate." For your enjoyment (and my own), please gaze upon this picture:

 While there are no actual haters, I do get weird looks or eye rolls every now and then concerning the changes I have made in my life. For example, I made an admittedly super-cheesy motivational poster to put on my wall. My sister could not stop cracking up about it. But you know what? That's okay, because as cheesy as that poster might be, it works for me and that is what's important. Another example would be food situations. Sometimes my orders at restaurants have to be really specific in order to get what I need. I felt really high-maintenance and self-conscious at first about this. I've made my peace with it now. I'm polite when I order and I leave good tips, so if the waiter wants to think I'm high-maintenance, that's his problem. There have also been situations where I choose to stay away from higher-calorie foods, and sometimes get comments about how I have to loosen up and eat that stuff. I guess peer pressure doesn't go away after high school! The truth is that sometimes I do eat higher-calorie foods, but when I do, it is because I planned for it and because I want to do that, not because someone else told me I should. I've found that usually when people try to pressure you to do unhealthy things like that, it is because they are on some level trying to justify their own unhealthy behaviors (hey, I took 2 whole psychology courses in college, so I totally know what I am talking about lol).

Anyway, the thing is, 6 months ago I could not have written the above paragraph (well, I guess I could have physically written it, but I wouldn't have meant it). I've been a people-pleaser my whole life. I have always cared way too much about what people thought of me. I would sometimes give so much of myself to everyone else so that they would be happy and like me, that there was very little left to make myself happy. I think maybe whether I admitted or not, I equated putting my happiness first as being selfish. If someone were to disapprove of something I was doing (like the situations above), I would pretty much automatically think that I was wrong and should change what I was doing.

Does this mean I think I'm always right now? As much as I wish I were always right, I know that I'm not. But there is a difference between taking others' opinions into consideration, and just taking their opinion as absolute fact. My opinion matters too. There is also a difference between helping other people out because it is just a nice thing to do, and helping people out to the exclusion of your own needs because you should and so that they will think highly of you. I know that sometimes my needs come first, even if other people disagree. Not all the time, but not none of the time either. Sometimes people will disagree with what I am doing to change my life, and that's okay. It doesn't mean I have to change my behavior to suit them. It doesn't mean we are enemies. It just means we have a difference of opinion. I can't change how other people act. I can only change how I react to their behavior (wow, that sounded kind of smart). In the end, I am the only one who has to look in the mirror and be okay with myself (because it would be really creepy if other people were looking over my shoulder at me in the mirror). For the first time in a long time, I am putting myself first and making healthy changes. And while it feels great to have so many people cheering me on, the truth is that even if there were no one cheering me on, I would still know that what I am doing is the right thing. For me, that is really something to celebrate.

1 comment:

  1. :) Thanks, Kristin. That last paragraph really hit the nail on the head for me. Your words speak truth for all sorts of journeys. I love reading about yours. Keep up the good work! Keep on inspiring!