Friday, July 12, 2013

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

How do you all like my new photo collage? I especially like the oh-so-flattering before shot of me with the "Help me!" sign. I took that one when I tried out for The Biggest Loser last year. Hey, I wanted to stand out, and an orange in the mouth and crazed look in the eyes does that for you. Apparently it wasn't enough to actually get on the show though, but maybe I was just too much awesome for them to handle. Hahaha.

I'm going to start out by saying that this post is probably going to serve to illustrate just what an ongoing process my journey is. I say that because it seems like by this time I would have gotten this figured out. But I think  it's really going to be a lifelong thing though. I've been feeling very "all-or-nothingy" (not actual word) lately. Actually, weirdly enough this nursery rhyme just popped into my head about how I've been doing lately. Part of it goes, "And when she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad, she was horrid." I have no idea how in the world I remember that, or actually where I learned it at all. But it is pretty accurate. The other day would be a perfect example of this. I have decided that I need to start getting up really early to go running outside, in addition to my normal gym routine. Now, I honestly did think this out and contemplated whether it was too extreme to do in addition to the gym. I decided that it was not too extreme. The truth is that these last 48 lbs are not going to come off as easily as the first 48 lbs. If I want this to happen, I have to be willing to put in the work. Anyway, so the other day I started off my day by running a 5k and watching the sun rise. I drank a low carb smoothie for breakfast and headed to work. I was good at drinking my water all day. I went to the gym and did my cardio and strength training. Awesome day so far. But this is where things get dicey. I started thinking about how well things were going, but then that little voice in the back of my head started whispering not-so-healthy thoughts to me. Thoughts like "If eating 1200 calories makes you lose weight, 1000 calories would be even better" or "If having low carb days every other day helps you lose weight, maybe you should do that every day" or "If extra runs are good, maybe you should do them in the morning AND at night AND go to the gym." Obviously, at this point alarm bells were also going off in my head, which partially drowned out the little voice in there (my head is apparently a very noisy place). I see these thoughts written down, and I know that kind of thinking can be very dangerous for me. It is an absolute must for me to maintain a lifestyle that is actually something I can do long-term. If I start getting too extreme, I know for a fact that I will go back to my old ways. After all, that is exactly what happened before. I think a lot of this thinking lately is due to this plateau I feel like I have been stuck on. I lose a little, lose a little, gain some, lose some. It is very frustrating. I feel like this past week, I may have finally busted past it, but I am still irritated. In my rational brain, I know that at the weight I am now, plateaus are common and I am not going to lose large amounts like I did before. However, that doesn't make it any easier to work so hard and see no results on the scale.

And now we get to the "and when she was bad, she was horrid" part of the nursery rhyme. Well, I guess horrid would be a bit of an overstatement. "Naughty" may be more accurate. Yesterday I couldn't do my outside run because it was raining. I did go to the gym, but it was a lackluster effort. It didn't feel like a good day. So since it didn't feel like such a good day, my eating kind of reflected that. I went over to my parents' house and made these little fried peach turnovers with my mom. They were absolutely delicious. Was it okay for me to have one? Of course it was. Treats are fine and important to have in moderation. However, it was not fine for me to eat one right after we cooked them and then eat two more after dinner. They were small, but I still should have only had one. So after that, it felt kind of like yesterday was down the drain (even though I know that is stupid extreme thinking), so I had some popcorn at 10 pm. The popcorn was only about 100 calories, but that wasn't the issue. The issue is that I make it a point never to eat that late, and also that I wasn't really hungry. I was bored. I have got to get it through my stubborn head that one poor decision does not have to automatically lead to another poor decision. Sigh...

What can I say? I'm a work in progress. I am happy that I recognize these areas I need to work on. That means that I can address them before they potentially become more chronic issues. I just need to keep repeating my motto, "If I can't do it forever, then I shouldn't do it now!"


  1. So sorry I contributed to your horrid day! Since I retired I rediscovered my love of cooking-I will try to limit myself to more healthy endeavors. By the way here is the rest of the rhyme (and your beloved Nana taught it to you, her curly haired Princess!): "There once was a girl with a pretty little curl right in the middle of her forhead (Nana would always kiss your forehead right about now), And when she was good she was very, very good; And when she was bad she was HORRID! (Lots of tickles and giggles-tickles from Nana and giggles from you. Wait, I might have that part backwards!) Here's to a better week, and thanks for the little "memory visit" with Nana. I love you, my baby girl. Your "mommy" (ha), Robin S. Kinney

  2. Your thoughts are my thoughts. I have exactly that amount to lose as well... it is so frustrating to not see the numbers we are used too. I have been making poor decisions on food at times and at other times I know my workout isn't as great as it should be. I could get away with it before... not anymore!

    Keep your head up lady!