Thursday, November 15, 2012

Some days you're the dog and other days you're the fire hydrant

My friends, it has been a while! Not by my choice though. Life tends to throw out curveballs now and then, and this time life was kind of a jerk and decided that what I really needed was a kidney infection and stone the day before I was set to hit my 100 lb milestone. One minute I was fine, and the next I was burning up and rocking back and forth in agony. Also, when trying to go to the doctor, I not only discover a flat tire, but my car battery died as well. Fun times! So sadly, on my weigh-in day, I kind of glanced down at the scale, saw that I had hit my goal, and promptly celebrated by dragging myself back to bed. Not exactly the kind of celebration I had in mind.

Being off my routine put me in a funk all week. Plus, to be honest, I was just really pissed at the unfairness of me getting sick during such an important week. I mean, I had been anticipating this milestone for 20 weeks, and then I couldn't even really enjoy it. But if I know nothing else about myself, it is that I am freakishly resilient and also usually manage to find some nugget of good in a bad situation, or at least a funny story. Case in point: As I sat stranded in my car, crying and sick, after the flat tire AND dead battery, I couldn't help but think that I would laugh later on about the sheer improbability of that situation. Because seriously, what are the odds of having both those things happen on the exact same day?

Anyway, like I said, I just felt off all week. I couldn't go to the gym. I couldn't eat much at all, and what I could actually manage to keep down wasn't the healthiest. I didn't feel like writing in my blog. Over the course of the last 20 weeks, I have formed all these healthy habits and when they were suddenly taken away, I was surprised at just how deeply it affected me emotionally. I have written before about my continuous great mood since I started this journey, but I didn't realize just how intrinsically that mood and my healthy habits were connected. Last week also taught me just how easily habits can be broken. After days of barely eating anything at all, eating some pizza didn't seem like such a big deal. I didn't think I really needed to include little things like mini Crunch bars in my food log. What was one more day of not going to the gym? Finally, I took a step back and thought, "Who is this girl and why the hell is she acting like a delusional idiot?" Stupid excuses like those are what got me to 328 lbs and miserable before. I simply refused to go there again. So I gave myself a firm talking-to and shook myself out of my funk enough to start eating my normal food again and get to the gym. And you know what? After a couple days of my normal routine, my funk is gone. I'm back to normal and super excited about my life.

While I won't say I'm exactly glad I had a little hiccup in my journey, I am grateful for the lesson I learned. Being so happy now, it's easy to forget just how miserable I was before. So I'm grateful for the reminder of where I never want to be again. After all, the saying "Those who don't remember the past are doomed to repeat it" is not just a quote that history teachers use in order to get kids to learn about a bunch of wars. I'm not a fan of dwelling on the past, but I think a little reminder every now and then does a lot of good.

I thought that my blog entry this week would be about reaching my 100 pound milestone and how I celebrated it. But as last week taught me, sometimes things don't go as planned. That 100 pound blog entry is without a doubt important, and one that will probably be written next. I had to write what I was feeling right now. Right now my feelings are all about falling down, getting back up, and the importance of remembering where I have been in order to better appreciate where I am now and where I am going. Wow, that last sentence sounded all introspective...kudos to me! Please feel free to insert corny life lesson music here.

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